Happy day! I can’t believe I’m writing this post and that it has been a whole year since October 17, 2020. I can truly say that this past year has been the best year of my life. Getting to experience life as one with my best friend has been the greatest gift, and one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I’ve said this before, but I never grew up dreaming of my wedding day or anything. I admire my parents and know their relationship is wonderful, I just didn’t think about marriage a lot. When I met Dillon, he brought it up so naturally and knew he was ready and I can’t explain it, but I was too! Guess it just takes the right person, as they say. While we were preparing for marriage, I learned a lot about God’s design for marriage and throughout our first year of marriage. I am so thankful for all we’ve learned about it together and that we have laid a solid foundation in Christ and commitment to each other. We are by no means experts or have it all figured out (I think that’s part of the beauty of it).

Here are 9 things we learned in our first year of marriage that have made it joyful, rewarding, and so much fun!

1. Communication

We have always had good communication, but communication in your marriage is honestly next level. As are many aspects of dating vs. marriage, we have learned! Good communication is one of the most important things we think. Your spouse can’t read your mind! If you want your spouse to write you sweet notes because it’s something you like, tell them! If you would like something to change, have a conversation about it. Good communication also shows mutual respect for one another by always making each other aware of things going on, and also at a deeper level, always being on the same page.

2. We are a team

Marriage is seriously the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced! I truly mean that. The union when you get married is so cool! A time when we feel the importance of this is during conflict, and we have learned that it’s not about not who is “right” but to strive for unity as one and resolving the issue so you can grow together from it. It’s so fun to know it’s “us” for everything now, and also an honor, privilege and responsibility.

3. Marriage is an opportunity to show the love of Christ through our marriage

Loving your spouse as God loves you is not an easy command, but is such a sacred one! This opportunity is something we definitely don’t take lightly and aren’t perfect at. Loving one another and forgiving one another as Christ forgave us is a beautiful thing. It takes away the worldly perspective of staying mad at each other or a checks & balances type of thinking. So so thankful for God’s word as our guide and we pray that how we treat each other and how we honor God as a couple is a light to those around us and show’s them the same grace that God has for them!

4. It will be an adjustment, but it’s the best kind of adjustment!

I really didn’t know what to expect marriage and living with someone to be like! It’s something you can try to figure out, but truly won’t know until you experience it. I also think there is a stigma that your first year of marriage will be so hard or if you don’t live together before you’re married, you won’t know if you’ll for sure be able to be with this person forever. I think what makes marriage so special is waiting for all of these things and doing them together, with your person! I truly think that’s why God designed it all the way He did, so we would experience the fullness and joy He had in mind. Something we have learned to value is waking up and going to bed together at the same time everyday. It starts and ends each day together and with intention.

5. Try to let the little things go

No one likes a pestering husband/wife and when you take the time to think about it, how much will that little thing matter anyway? This is definitely a work in progress, but learning to be slow to anger, sometimes holding your tongue because nothing respectful is going to come out anyway is so important. We have been learning about thinking before we speak and thinking, “will this build my spouse up or tear them down?” This takes a lot of patience and thinking of being in your spouse’s shoes. Another point I want to make under this topic is that you’re going to disagree. And that’s okay! You’re two people, and of course you’re not going to see eye to eye on everything. Don’t dwell on it!

6. It’s healthy and good to still have your ‘things’ you like to do separately

I don’t think I can say it any clearer than that! It’s funny adjusting to living together and being together 24/7 and trying to figure out your new routines and everything. You go from having a lot of “you” time to not as much, and it’s just different! A good different, of course. My husband has told me he feels supported and loved by me that he is able to do things he enjoys and it makes him want to pour into me/us even more. It’s okay and completely normal if you each have a hobby or two you don’t do together, but I also think it’s equally important to have many things you enjoy doing together!

7. Marriage is hard work. It takes effort daily!

Growing up, I remember my parents telling me this and it could not be more true. It is a choice everyday to love your spouse! It’s not based on feelings or emotions that day, those of course are valid, but they are fleeting. My husband and I were reflecting on our 1 year anniversary and agreed that it really is a decision every day to wake up and think how can I love and serve my spouse today? Reminds me of Jesus commanding us daily to take up our crosses daily, denying ourselves and following Him. I also really think it’s what you make it. You have to create intentional time. It takes daily efforts to continue growing your relationship in all aspects.

8. Make things FUN!

Doing little things like making a challenge bracket for the tv show we’re watching, playing hide and seek with our dog together, making random bets on things, do a question book together, trying new restaurants, playing a new game, picking out each other’s outfits, make a bucket list for each season together. It can take a little extra effort but getting out of the normal routine keeps your marriage so fun and joyful!

9. Continue to seek God individually and together

The best advice we were given in our pre-marital counseling was to envision a triangle and God is at the top and you and your husband are each at a corner. When you are continually growing and walking closer to the Lord (the top), you will always be on the same path and on the same page. It has been so fun to invest in our faith as a couple, and we both know it is equally as important to continue our individual relationship’s with Him as well of course!

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Thank you for reading about such a special part of my life! Let me know if you like marriage content, and I will write more of these kind of posts.

XO, Kenz